When I'm anxious, here's what comforts me
Advice + rituals that calm me down, plus 5 small things making me smile
Here we are, everyone. We’ve been thinking about this week for a long time, haven’t we? Now that it’s finally passed, I’m having a hard time directing my energy in ways that are helpful, not hampering, to my well-being. I’m guessing you might be feeling the same way?
I want to put things in my brain right now that are true, and good, and gentle. So I got out my notebook and thought about some things to help me get through this week, and the days to come.
Advice from my mentors that’s guiding me right now
When you need to get stuff done, but you’re not in the mood: This happens so often, doesn’t it? A project goes awry, your kid gets sick, you get your period four days early, you’re grieving a hard situation. When life derails my day, but I still have a lot on my plate, my brain tends to melt down. Making decisions becomes incredibly difficult, and I freeze up. But here’s what my mom always says: “When you're overwhelmed or blue, and don't know where to start: take a shower, do your hair, put on some makeup, and do just one thing.” It works for me every time, because it’s a lot easier for me to act my way into a new way of thinking than to think myself into a new way of acting. Sometimes I just have to “trick” my brain into feeling better by hopping into a shower (why does water always make me feel less stressed?), putting on clothes or makeup that makes me feel cute, and just doing one thing on my to-do list. Because that’s all I can do anyway: one thing at a time. The Lazy Genius calls this “starting small” and Emily P. Freeman calls it “doing the next right thing.” Both are great ways to say that eating the elephant one bite at a time is the best way to get stuff done.
When there are so many ideas and nuanced perspectives rolling around, and you’re not sure where you stand on all of it: The world is complicated (Tell me something I don’t know, Emily, you might be thinking). That means there’s a million different ways to look at a single situation and think about how it affects every person involved. Now more than ever, I’m convinced that I don’t know everything. As a recovering perfectionist, that’s something I struggle with, because I want to get it right—not for me, not for the sake of being right, but to do right by the people grappling with that tough situation. In these moments, I think about something Bryan says about forging your own path: “Challenge everything, but know when to take advice.” Basically, use your brain to think through a situation, and be humble enough to stay open to someone else who has a different perspective based on their own lived experience. You are not always going to get it right—and that’s okay. You are going to learn new things, and you are going to change your mind—that’s also okay. The world is full of nuance, filled with shades of gray and not black and white. Trust yourself to make decisions that align with who you are, and leave yourself room to grow and change.
