Book Club: Choices shaped by love, not fear

My chapter-by-chapter thoughts on the best book I've ever read, THEO OF GOLDEN

Have you ever read a book, watched a movie, or binged a show that made you filter everything in your life through the lens of that story? Where every time you had an encounter at work or home, or even as something happened in your neighborhood or in the world, you wondered, What would [insert character’s name] think of this? What would they do in this situation?

Have you ever encountered another person who left you feeling like you could never go back to the same way of living ever again? Who walked through the world in such a way that made you say to yourself, That’s how I want to live my life. That’s how I want to look at the world.

That kind of clarity is so rare. Encountering those kinds of people are so rare. How lucky we are when we come across them, when our eyes see and hearts recognize that there’s a new way. A different way. A kinder way.

We can choose to live differently, like Theo. We can choose to live with love, not fear, leading the way.

Theo of Golden came into my life exactly when I needed it to.

I wonder if you feel the same?

2025 was hard for many of us. I think many of us hoped that 2026 would usher in a little less… intensity. So far, that has not happened.

When things get overwhelming, I tend to try and break them down, whether it’s the state of the world or the chaos in my everyday life. When I see things in smaller parts, I can wrap my mind around them more.

When I see my day as blocks of time, I feel calm. I can think about things one hour at a time.

When I think about what good I can do for the world, I feel calmer when I reframe “the world” as “my community.” Because doing something for a friend, a neighbor, a fellow community member in my town? I can wrap my mind around that.

This book has changed me in many ways. But I think one of the most valuable ways is I’m reminded that I have so much power to change things. Because I can instantly change my life, right now, simply by choosing to look at the people I meet every day with a lens of love — and choosing to act with love.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Theo of Golden feels like that quote has come to life.

My chapter-by-chapter thoughts on Theo, chapters 1 to 31

🚨This is obviously when I need to say: SPOILERS AHEAD. 🚨

Below are my thoughts on many chapters in the first half of Theo. I’ve left them stream of consciousness because that’s exactly how I’d process all these things realtime in a book club meeting. Plus, if you’re not quite halfway through the book yet, this way you can tap out exactly when you need to so that you’re not spoiled!

If you haven’t read at least half the book, please proceed at your own peril.

💡Pro tip: this post is looooong. If you want to jump to my thoughts on a specific chapter and you’re reading this on a desktop web browser, check out the Table of Contents on the left side of the page!

Chapter 1

Who is this dude flying into Atlanta on a private jet and driving to a tiny Southern town where he knows, like, no one? What is he up to?

So far he’s doing what I like to do when I visit somewhere new: just walk around and drink everything in. The architecture of the buildings. The way the sunlight filters through trees I don’t see every day. I haven’t been somewhere new in a minute, and it shows.

But you know what? I want to drink in the beauty of my life not just in faraway places, but in the everyday. I need more “beauty dates” with nature.

Chapter 2

The joy of getting unexpectedly good coffee and a new-to-me coffee shop is just unparalleled. I’m with Theo on this one. Relatable!!

Also, being a regular at a local coffee shop? That is just goals.

Chapter 4

Would I meet someone I’d never met or corresponded with if they sent me a handwritten letter? Nope. I’ve watched too much Dateline.

Chapter 7

Minnette is revealing so much heartbreak to Theo, a total stranger. When she pauses her story, this made my breath catch:

Minnette paused and waved dismissively. “Mr. Theo, I’m sorry. I know you didn’t come here for this.

“Oh no. Please, my dear. I came here precisely for this.” He looked squarely into Minnette’s face. “Since I have bought your portrait, I have looked at it over and over and I have wondered, ‘What is she like? What is her story? What is really in her eyes.’ Please go on.”

Someone wanting to hear your story — really hear it — with rapt attention on every word is just… how have I never thought about what a gift that is? About how wonderful that would feel? How validating?

I want to do this for my children. I want to do this for my friends. I want to do this with new acquaintances.

Theo is showing us this is how we get the friends, the community we are looking for. This right here. Making ourselves available. Not shying away from the uncomfortable, from the messiness of humanity.

There is so much we try to optimize in this world of ours. But this? Using our time to literally hold space for someone else? This is something that takes time. It takes effort. It takes vulnerability. Those are “expensive” assets in the attention economy. No wonder we don’t spend them very often. No wonder we choose to binge on the fast food of the attention economy: scroll scroll scroll.

But when we take the time to truly know another human being, how satisfying is that? Talk about a worthy investment.

At the end of the chapter, I felt tears begin to flow when I read this:

They hung the picture in the bedroom, at the place where Minnette often stood to dress in the mornings. Had anyone walked in at the right moment and listened carefully, they might have heard her whisper, “Good morning. St. Minnette. You are strong. And you are brave. And You are kind. Even when you are sad.”

This book. It may shatter me… in the best way possible.

Chapter 9

“These little devices are killing dinosaurs like me,” says bookseller Tony, about eReaders.

Uh-oh, Tony. I like a print book, but I also like audiobooks. And eBooks on my phone. At least Bookshop.org sells eBooks now, so indy booksellers like you can get that eBook revenue, Tony!!!!

Chapter 10

Mr. Ponder is so excited to share about his building in minute detail with Theo! I find that so charming. Sharing architectural history with someone who’s actually interested in hearing about it — that must not happen very often in that small town. I love it. Theo is healing everyone, even the history nerds who long to share their special interest with someone who gets it.

Also, when Theo asks who uses the word slog in America: I do. 🙋🏻‍♀️ (I feel like a lot of us do??)

Chapter 11

Mrs. Gidley, LOL.

Chapter 12

I’m about 20% into this book, and there doesn’t seem to be… any real conflict? Just a mysterious old man giving portraits away to hurting people? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed it so far. I’m just... so curious to see where this goes.

This book is so different in all the best ways.

One observation: Theo sets aside $100,000 with Mr. Ponder for random expenses. That is, uh, less relatable than being a regular at a local coffee shop. I mean, if I had $100,000 to just set aside as pocket money, I too could probably spend my time paying attention to beautiful things and giving away portraits?

But I don’t think that’s the point here. I can pay attention to beauty and relationships, even without being a rich old man.

Chapter 13

This chapter opens with a description of how the center of town, the Promenade, came to be. It details what happens when a group of people decide to live in close proximity to one another — and, collectively, decide to maintain the space and keep it beautiful for the town.

So much of our lives has been dictated by decisions of generations who have come before. But our lives are also affected by the decisions we make here, in real time. We can choose to collectively come together and, to quote poet Maggie Smith somewhat out of context, “make this place beautiful.”

It makes me ask: what do we lose when we choose to opt out of living in community? When we subdivide ourselves into oblivion? When we wall ourselves off from each other and insist upon “privacy”?

How much more beautiful could our lives be if we decided to share ourselves a bit more with each other?

Chapter 14

Kendrick. ❤️

“Mr. Kendrick, I tell you what I saw when I first looked at your picture. I thought, ‘This is a strong man.’ I could see worry and some hurt in the eyes, but still, I said to myself, there is kindness in this face. And now I know it is the face of a good father.”

😭

This is what we see, when we stop long enough to recognize the humanity in someone else. When we look with compassionate eyes. When we take the time to get to know someone else, when we open ourselves up to someone and let them come to us.

Kendrick’s story made me cry ugly tears.

When the cake and flowers and art supplies arrived in Lamisha’s room, I lost it for good.

Chapter 17

This chapter opens describing, once again, the natural beauty of the community that people have tended in Golden for generations.

When I authorize my federal tax payment every quarter — because, as a business owner, I have to actually hand over cash that’s in my bank account to the US government — this is the kind of place I dream that my tax dollars are building.

Not one where disabled citizens are pulled out of cars and slamming them to the pavement.

Not one where families are separated and mothers and fathers and children are put in cages.

Not one where masked men storm through our communities and disrupt life and shoot people in cold blood.

Like I said, I wanted a less turbulent 2026. But that will never stop me from dreaming of and working for the kind of communities that feel like Golden.

Also important about this chapter: this is the first time we learn about Theo’s loss. About Tita.

Of course Theo would describe love for his daughter in the most beautiful way:

“Those first moments of exuberant embrace between adorer and adored became the moments around which he built his existence.”

Reader, I could not breathe when I read that. Oh, my heart.

What does anything matter — money, power, prestige — if we do not have love? I’m paraphrasing Matthew 16:26. That’s all I could think when Theo was thinking about Tita.

We are nothing when we don’t have love. Truly, nothing else matters.

One thing I’ll say: I’m not sure if turning the tide on that kind of grief, of losing a child, would be as… tidy, maybe, as Allen Levi made this sound. Though honestly, I’m glad we didn’t spend too long in Theo’s grief. As a parent I can imagine that kind of grief too vividly myself to want to spend much time there.

Another thing I love about this book is the way Theo watches the sunset. I do it, too.

I relate to the way he feels close with the Divine at sunset, the way Theo feels the connection between our worlds is thinnest when the sky is a warm band of fading color. I can see it, too. My house faces the wide expanse of the Gulf for a reason.

Chapter 19

The way Theo dotes on Lamisha through paying for her medical care (anonymously!), I wonder if he thinks of her as the daughter who lived?

Also, this bit — tattoo it on my arm for all time:

Theo grinned and patted Ponder’s forearm. “I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. We might just become a formidable force for good at this rate, yes? ‘On earth as it is in heaven.’”

“Actually, Theo, I find this all rather curious, but it’s certainly admirable. People like you renew my hope in humanity.”

“Yes, we can be such a terrible race at times, but, at the same time, terribly wonderful. All capable of saintliness.”

Chapter 21

A couple things are going to stay with me in this chapter.

“I don’t think there was a day when I was growing up that there weren’t vases full of flowers in our house.”

I want to be this house to be my house. I need to pick up some fresh flowers ASAP.

Another thing: I think one of the most important conversations in this book is between Theo and Asher.

I love how reverent Theo is when he meets Asher — it’s like Theo meeting a celebrity or something (which, with as much time as Theo spends with the portraits, is kind of true!). And when the two get to talking about art and how to find value in it, my antennae perked up at a couple thoughts:

“I guess if a work of art makes us see something familiar in a new way or makes us feel something we ought to have felt all along or shows us our place in the world more clearly, maybe then it qualifies as ‘good.” If it makes us better somehow, maybe that’s what gives it value.” — Asher

“For anything to be good, truly good, there must be love in it. I’m not even sure I know fully what that means, but the older I get, the more I believe it. There must be love for the gift itself, love for the subject being depicted or the story being told, and love for the audience. Whether the art is sculpture, farming, teaching, lawmaking, medicine, music, or raising a child, if love is not in it — at the very heart of it — it might be skillful, marketable, or popular but I doubt it is truly good. Nothing is what it’s supposed to be if love is not at the core.” – Theo

That’s it, right there — I think that may be the crux of the whole book. Love in everything. Or it doesn’t matter.

Chapter 23

“The unspoken consensus of the neighborhood was that he would be judged by his fruits, by what could be seen with their own eyes. And soon, by those standards — demeanor, speech, generosity — those who knew him became convinced that, whoever he was, Theo could be trusted.”

A message for our times. Believe people not by what they say with their mouths, but by what they do with their hands and feet.

This reminds me of the importance of neighborliness, which we have been seeing in Minneapolis.

In order to have healthy and vibrant communities, we need to be sure we come together with the folks who are in our communities. Being online in the space, with like-minded people who share similar outlooks, is wonderful. I’ve learned so much from you all, from friends and mentors I’ve met online. And also it’s important, also vital to my physical, mental, and social health, is to have strong ties right here in my local community.

After all, study after study shows that being plugged into our local communities makes us healthier and happier.

So please, do me a favor: enjoy your time here. But do not forget to live outside of this space.

Chapter 24

Ellen. ❤️

The way Theo carves out time to be with her. Doesn’t try to correct her. Just experiences time with her, asks her questions, values her answers.

It’s a reminder that all of the Ellens deserve dignity, respect, and love. Just like every other person in my community. And the Ellens of the world have something to offer me too.

Chapter 25

Ellen and Willa. 💔

“I don’t know how long I was in the hospital, but when I left, the good nurse cried. She and the policeman gave me an Easter basket. This was one of the gifts in the basket.

Ellen held out the necklace. A locket with floral etching in frosted gold dangled from the chain. She opened it carefully. A tiny lock of hair — blonde — was nestled in the bowl of the locket, like a sleeping fawn.

Buckets. I’m crying buckets.

I don’t even have words. Just a primal feeling of sorrow and protectiveness toward this woman, this mother, whose love has nowhere to go.

If I let myself think about it for too long, I will grow despondent.

“Somehow,” Theo says, “I fear, we own all of the world’s hurts together.”

When I think about Ellen, I understand what he means.

Chapter 26

I hate everyone in this church. Even though... if I didn’t know Ellen, I would probably be one of them.

Confused. Panicked. Choosing my own safety instead of extending compassion.

I’m so mad at myself for feeling this way. But I need to stay with this feeling, because it’s trying to tell me something.

I think it’s trying to tell me that I need to shift my priorities a bit. I need to be like Theo (and Mrs. Ocie Van Blarcum!).

I need to be proximate to other people, to get to know the people in my community. Because guess what? If this happened and I knew Ellen, I wouldn’t see her as a disruption. I wouldn’t just see her as someone who might put my safety at risk. I would see her as a member of my community, as someone worthy of receiving love and care (even if — especially if? — she were having a mental health crisis). That would more likely be my first instinct.

That’s who I want to be.

Chapter 31

How many Tonys are there in the world?

So many, I think.

Tbh I don’t care for Tony that much. I have a bit more respect for him, after I know that he lets Ellen borrow books for free after her library card was revoked. But his brand of bravado is one I’ve never cared for.

But dang if, if this book doesn’t get me to have compassion for Tony.

That’s the thing: I think I forget sometimes that I don’t have to like people in order to show them compassion.

Tony’s Vietnam experience... I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. My heart goes out to him.

I may not agree with everything he says. He may rub me the wrong way. But... he, too, has gone through it.

Kindness, kindness, kindness. Everyone deserves kindness. And, when you meet them, the benefit of the doubt.

We are all fighting hard battles.

Your thoughts on Theo so far?

• Whose story has resonated with you?

• Which lines gripped your heart and never let go?

• What questions have you been asking yourself?

• Is anything rubbing you the wrong way? That’s okay, too!

💡 PS: If you’ve already finished the book, speed reader, I commend you! Try to keep your comments today to half of the book, up to Chapter 31. We’ll have an open thread next week to talk about the whole book.